We just got back from our first family vacation. It was fun to see all our family and friends. It was fun to get a break from the normal routine for a few days. But I'm not sure I would call it vacation! Tony and I would count things every time we changed buses, cars, or airplanes. Three bags, two backpacks, stroller, carseat, one baby. It was definitely a learning experience!
When I was little, vacation was about going different places, seeing new things, and visiting family. Becoming a teenager meant vacations were about sleeping late, staying up late, and hanging out. My twenties found vacations full of entertainment.....wherever we went, there had to be something to do. Now, well, now, vacations are different...at least for now. Having a one year old on vacation means life doesn't change, it's just in a different location. No sleeping in, no break from responsibility, not much relaxing. But the time spend with family and friends took over focus and all was enjoyable.
I realized that maybe vacations don't have to be trips out of state. Maybe they don't have to be planned outings that take up an entire day. Rather, if I change my perspective, I can have a vacation every day. I can take a vacation in the quiet car while I'm driving Dakota around so she can take a nap. I can enjoy vacation for the three hours I have to myself every Tuesday morning. Dakota can join me for vacation when we walk to the mailbox. The possibilities are endless this way! I can vacation in bed every night for an hour before I go to sleep!
As with most things, awareness is key to my newfound escapes. Realizing I have these times will allow me to enjoy them. Appreciating what is there only makes it better. Opening up for the possibilities that God can bring every day.........is better than vacation.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Rambling Wishes
Whew! It's been quite the time lately. The last two months have passed by quickly and with many emotions. What else is new? It feels like I have less and less time and more and more to do. Dakota's teething, walking, and in the middle of everything. In other words, I spend more time now worrying that I'm being a good mom and that my little girl is learning to be "good", whatever that means. Dakota demands so much attention that I tend to ignore everything else. I get up when she does, and I go to bed right after she does. It's purely survival tactics. I don't even usually get out of my work clothes until after I eat dinner and she goes to bed. Good thing scrubs are comfy!
I'm happy with so much and yet there's so much more I want to work on. God has stayed by my side the last two months, even though the time I have spent with Him has lessened. Noticing my stress and frustration level increasing, I've made the conscious effort to spend more time with Him through music, reading and prayer. It never feels like enough. I wish I had more time to study the Bible..........I wish I had more time to learn......I wish I had more time to build stronger connections with people that God has recently placed in my life (more on that later)......I wish........I wish........I wish......I wish I felt ok with being the person I am right at this very moment. I am so thankful that God is always there and loving me each and every moment. I pray that He lead me not only in my actions, but in my thoughts. HE gets me through each day.....HE is the shining light in my baby's eyes......HE is the only one.
I'm happy with so much and yet there's so much more I want to work on. God has stayed by my side the last two months, even though the time I have spent with Him has lessened. Noticing my stress and frustration level increasing, I've made the conscious effort to spend more time with Him through music, reading and prayer. It never feels like enough. I wish I had more time to study the Bible..........I wish I had more time to learn......I wish I had more time to build stronger connections with people that God has recently placed in my life (more on that later)......I wish........I wish........I wish......I wish I felt ok with being the person I am right at this very moment. I am so thankful that God is always there and loving me each and every moment. I pray that He lead me not only in my actions, but in my thoughts. HE gets me through each day.....HE is the shining light in my baby's eyes......HE is the only one.
Monday, July 16, 2007
The Center of a Blur
This is the first week in almost a year that I'm working outside the home for a full week. That's right - 5 days in a row. Basically from 8 to 5:00 every day, some days earlier, some days later. I'm already a little nervous (ok maybe more than a little) after finishing day one. Things were going great at work and then the phone call came.........Mary had an accident and thought she might have broken her jaw or gotten a concussion. Could Tony please pick Dakota up? Let the Daddy Duty begin! :) Tony only has two more weeks before he goes back to school, so I'm very thankful that he was around to go pick her up. Mary's doing ok, but we haven't heard whether day care is open for business tomorrow or not.
The afternoon was a blur at work we were so busy and short staffed. I got home to a screaming child who wouldn't eat for Daddy and a husband who was ready to run out the door. I pleaded for two minutes to use the bathroom and then took over dinner duty. And five minutes later Tony was out the door to "de-stress". Dakota's really teething today so her teeth didn't want to let her rest....it took a lot longer to get her to sleep tonight.
And we get to do this all over again tomorrow??? As a wise friend said, "tomorrow is a new day". He grants us that every minute, every day. Every minute is full of new possibilities. Just because today was like a zoo doesn't mean tomorrow will be. But in the middle of it all, peaceful or not, He's there with me. I don't want to forget to look up every once in a while to remind myself. It gets so crazy that the focus is on the crazy and not the true focus. Lord, help keep me centered by keeping you at my center!
The afternoon was a blur at work we were so busy and short staffed. I got home to a screaming child who wouldn't eat for Daddy and a husband who was ready to run out the door. I pleaded for two minutes to use the bathroom and then took over dinner duty. And five minutes later Tony was out the door to "de-stress". Dakota's really teething today so her teeth didn't want to let her rest....it took a lot longer to get her to sleep tonight.
And we get to do this all over again tomorrow??? As a wise friend said, "tomorrow is a new day". He grants us that every minute, every day. Every minute is full of new possibilities. Just because today was like a zoo doesn't mean tomorrow will be. But in the middle of it all, peaceful or not, He's there with me. I don't want to forget to look up every once in a while to remind myself. It gets so crazy that the focus is on the crazy and not the true focus. Lord, help keep me centered by keeping you at my center!
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Accept and Appreciate
I've wanted to write for so many weeks and now that I have the chance my mind just went blank. My mother in law has been with us for almost three weeks now. As if keeping an 11 month old entertained wasn't enough! In the past I've often had a challenging relationship with her. My husband was a true momma's boy. Notice I say was? :) It was amazing to see Tony's center of life change once Dakota came along. Suddenly his family was first and foremost in everything.
Anyhoo, I prayed for weeks before she arrived, and since, for help in accepting and appreciating her. That's been my main desire. I don't think we'll ever have a warm fuzzy relationship like I see others have - and I've come to accept that that's ok. It used to be that whenever she came for a visit I would end up in tears numerous times. She doesn't realize it, but she's a very demanding person. Another factor is that she also acts about 80 even though she's only 62 due to some medical issues she had right after I met Tony. So I feel guilty whenever I get frustrated with her.
God's been by my side -- I've only been in tears once and she's only here for two more days. And our once a week outings where it was just the two of us were actually enjoyable. I know that it is only through Him that I have been able to get through these last three weeks and not have a heavy burden on my shoulders. I've been able to sit back, do what I need to do, and let her do whatever she needs to do. I still have guilt issues "Are you sure you don't want me to pay for Molly Maids?" or "I could've made a wig from all the dog hair I got when I dusted the end table." but I've been able to feel it, and then move on. In the past I felt it, hung on to it, and let the next one pile on top of it.
And I definitely have appreciated her this trip. Neither Tony or I have hardly cooked in the last three weeks. The dishes are always done. We didn't pay for groceries for two weeks. She's good with Dakota and wants to do anything and everything to help her. Sometimes her good intentions aren't the most helpful, but she always means well. I have to come up with a creative way to let her know that I really did appreciate all her help while she was here.
So in a few days I will have easier access to the computer and get reconnected to the world a bit more. Although by having her here staying in the guest room where the computer is actually made me spend more time with God. Now that can't be anything but a good thing!
Anyhoo, I prayed for weeks before she arrived, and since, for help in accepting and appreciating her. That's been my main desire. I don't think we'll ever have a warm fuzzy relationship like I see others have - and I've come to accept that that's ok. It used to be that whenever she came for a visit I would end up in tears numerous times. She doesn't realize it, but she's a very demanding person. Another factor is that she also acts about 80 even though she's only 62 due to some medical issues she had right after I met Tony. So I feel guilty whenever I get frustrated with her.
God's been by my side -- I've only been in tears once and she's only here for two more days. And our once a week outings where it was just the two of us were actually enjoyable. I know that it is only through Him that I have been able to get through these last three weeks and not have a heavy burden on my shoulders. I've been able to sit back, do what I need to do, and let her do whatever she needs to do. I still have guilt issues "Are you sure you don't want me to pay for Molly Maids?" or "I could've made a wig from all the dog hair I got when I dusted the end table." but I've been able to feel it, and then move on. In the past I felt it, hung on to it, and let the next one pile on top of it.
And I definitely have appreciated her this trip. Neither Tony or I have hardly cooked in the last three weeks. The dishes are always done. We didn't pay for groceries for two weeks. She's good with Dakota and wants to do anything and everything to help her. Sometimes her good intentions aren't the most helpful, but she always means well. I have to come up with a creative way to let her know that I really did appreciate all her help while she was here.
So in a few days I will have easier access to the computer and get reconnected to the world a bit more. Although by having her here staying in the guest room where the computer is actually made me spend more time with God. Now that can't be anything but a good thing!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
God is Great!
I don't have much time right now but wanted to post a few things I'm oh so thankful to God for.....
He gets me through each and every day. Whenever I feel uncertain or doubtful I turn to Him knowing He is ready to listen at a moments notice. Thank You Lord for all Your Love!
- making Dakota feel better after being sick the first time
- putting Mary in our lives to take care of Dakota (and us too!)
- my Mom for teaching me how to communicate and care for older people
- helping me hold my tongue rather than make matters worse
- placing me in the right job with the right people at the perfect time
- God being there for me always so that I'm never alone
- the strength to do whatever I need to do each day to get through it
- my husband for making sure we're always safe and secure
- God reaching out to me and bringing me in closer when He knew it was right
He gets me through each and every day. Whenever I feel uncertain or doubtful I turn to Him knowing He is ready to listen at a moments notice. Thank You Lord for all Your Love!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Jesus In, Jesus Out
Remember the saying "You are what you eat?" I've got a new one with the same idea - "Jesus In, Jesus Out". I've been trying to make a conscious effort to focus on God more in everyday life. For a while K-LOVE has been the only radio station I listen to, but there are lots of other areas awaiting improvement. Dakota and I take walks on the weekend and whenever I'm home in the morning. I have a specific point in our walk (where the sidewalk turns flat) where I talk to God. I give thanks as well as put in my special requests.
The biggest area I've noticed change in has been my reading material. The last two or three months I've started reading again. Usually about a book or so a week. I had some books by Christian authors I hadn't read and really enjoyed them. Then I picked up a trashy romance novel or two and zoomed through those. They were fun, but didn't get much out of them. Then I picked up a few more Christian fiction books and wow, have I noticed their impact! The positive characters full of faith and love that these authors create are so much more meaningful than any Danielle Steele novel (and who hasn't read those?). Some of the discussions they have with God make it seem like the author knew what I was thinking.
Regardless, I know this is another way God is reaching to me. I've been able to be more patient with Tony and Dakota lately. A little less irritable.....or maybe I'm just getting better at focusing on the important stuff. I'm ashamed to say that I don't read the Bible as often as I should. But I honestly feel like that's what is coming next. God is preparing me for something. Thankfully He's doing it one step at a time. I already know His timing is perfect, so I just have to follow His lead wherever it takes me. For now, I'm enjoying seeing what comes next.
The biggest area I've noticed change in has been my reading material. The last two or three months I've started reading again. Usually about a book or so a week. I had some books by Christian authors I hadn't read and really enjoyed them. Then I picked up a trashy romance novel or two and zoomed through those. They were fun, but didn't get much out of them. Then I picked up a few more Christian fiction books and wow, have I noticed their impact! The positive characters full of faith and love that these authors create are so much more meaningful than any Danielle Steele novel (and who hasn't read those?). Some of the discussions they have with God make it seem like the author knew what I was thinking.
Regardless, I know this is another way God is reaching to me. I've been able to be more patient with Tony and Dakota lately. A little less irritable.....or maybe I'm just getting better at focusing on the important stuff. I'm ashamed to say that I don't read the Bible as often as I should. But I honestly feel like that's what is coming next. God is preparing me for something. Thankfully He's doing it one step at a time. I already know His timing is perfect, so I just have to follow His lead wherever it takes me. For now, I'm enjoying seeing what comes next.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Getting In the Groove
Alright, I think we're getting this new schedule thing down! (Now that I've said that something is destined to come up!) Tony is stepping up a bit more picking up Dakota from daycare and even feeding her dinner. We've got Dakota down to nursing just first thing in the morning and taking a bottle to go to bed. I'm figuring out which things are easier to take care of the night before. Things like Dakota's clothes for the next day, figuring out what's for dinner, collecting anything I have to take to work with me.
Dakota is doing so well at daycare....which makes it a little easier to breathe. She's learning what music is...she now dances anytime she hears music...and sometime the music is just in her head and she dances anyway. She rolls around on the floor more playing without getting fussy as fast. We are so blessed to have Mary in our lives!
Although difficult, I think going back to work has been really good for me too. I miss my baby and talk about her all the time. But I can't tell you how much more valuable each minute that I spend with her is. It shouldn't be, but it's different now. I actually wanted Tony to stay home Sunday morning so I could take Dakota to Babies R Us all by myself!
Dakota is doing so well at daycare....which makes it a little easier to breathe. She's learning what music is...she now dances anytime she hears music...and sometime the music is just in her head and she dances anyway. She rolls around on the floor more playing without getting fussy as fast. We are so blessed to have Mary in our lives!
Although difficult, I think going back to work has been really good for me too. I miss my baby and talk about her all the time. But I can't tell you how much more valuable each minute that I spend with her is. It shouldn't be, but it's different now. I actually wanted Tony to stay home Sunday morning so I could take Dakota to Babies R Us all by myself!
Tony started teaching summer school today, but his schedule shouldn't change ours too much. This is starting to work out......this whole family-schedule-work-no rest thing. And I'm liking it!
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