Saturday, August 23, 2008

God is Bigger than the Boogeyman

Dakota found my Junior Asparagus Veggie Tales stuffed toy this week. When you squeeze it, his eyes light up and he sings the chorus from "God is Bigger than the Boogeyman". She thinks it's fun....I think it's a reminder that has good timing.

There's been a few "boogeys" lurking out there this week. Mostly in my head. But they had planted themselves firmly in my brain to change my outlook on reality for a few days. First it starts with me and how I go about dealing with "boogeys"....then it spreads to being able to deal with a whiney two year old and a not-so-motivated husband. The standard snowball effect.

When it was its worst, God used a friend to hug me. I felt it. And from that point it started getting better a little at a time. This whole two year old behavior is new and challenging. Especially when I get home exhausted after working. Many nights I fall asleep sitting or standing while I'm trying to put Dakota to sleep. So my patience isn't always top of the line.

Oddly enough, Tony actually showed me, without knowing it, some ways to handle her today. I tried to ignore it and just have fun. We painted toe nails. We made a fort out of a card table and blanket. She's getting bigger and I'm anxious to play with her.

I need to get my own brain back on track on taking care of myself. It doesn't feel like I have the time for that luxury these days. Food has become the enemy again which means I'm eating more of it and not the good stuff. I don't want to give up, but I don't know how to keep going, if that makes any sense.

I'm so thankful God doesn't give up on me, even when I've given up on myself. That even after I've made bad choices, He's there to help me make it through the next crossroads. I try and look for the moments of light that he provides to remind me that all will be ok. Gracie was telling Dakota goodbye this week in the car while I was talking to Emily.....she yells out, "Penny, your car is messy just like mine!" Emily and I looked at each other and just burst out laughing. Gracie is always ready to provide a moment of light, even when it feels really dark.

I pray for time, space, peace of mind and wisdom to take care of myself. If I can get to that point, I think some of the rest will become easier. I guess it's not supposed to be easy.....but it can still be meaningful.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Do Over

Tomorrow starts a whole new week. I'm looking at it that way for many reasons. Apparently I had to fall hard last week to be able to get back up again. I guess in a way God showed me how much I really need Him. Well, I listened. And listened, and listened. I found new means of help. I want to listen to music all the time. It's so uplifting....I'd listen to it at work if they let me. It was a real saving grace last week when all felt wrong.

And then there was my friend, Emily. Who even though we didn't see each other when it was the worst, her being there made it better. She told me she cared. She understood what I was going through, even at times when I didn't think I did. Good things come to those who wait. Emily and her entire family were worth the wait.

So on to the new week. A time to start over. A time to try again. A time to not give up. Remembering that I'm never alone. Remembering that what I do is important. Remembering that God is all around me every moment.